Restlessness

(Originally posted in 2011.)

Straight from the heart this one.

It’s certainly not that I have nothing to do, though I’ll use that excuse. Rather, it’s some sort of boredom mixed with a lack of urgency and some nasty impatience mixed in.

The list is long, long enough to inspire frustration. There’s a kid whining outside my window, I’m a little hungry. Under all this, though, the real reason for my inability to do anything worthwhile is lurking.

Maybe it’s cause I need to email that guy and it’s a little past the expiration date and so I’m dreading that. Writing that email is going to be difficult and I’m going to feel embarrassed and conflicted about it.

Maybe it’s the larger project that I’m also ostensibly behind on but know that all my collaborators are also behind on and therefore even beginning to make progress feels impossible today.

Maybe I just need to turn some music on, eat a little something.

Maybe it’s the three or four errands I need to run. Maybe it’s the heat.

Of course, it’s really just resistance, feeling particularly tricky. Resistance got out of bed early today. I didn’t.