Change starts when you make time for change

This is something I’m witnessing and learning a lot lately. I’m observing it in the processes of other people, both clients and friends. You can talk a lot of talk, but not much will happen until you take up some space in your day.

John Jardin and I have been working on this. We’re working on theories of rest and recovery and balance. How to get what you want and not destroy yourself in the process. He sent me a video by a self-described “soft and cozy entrepreneur.” Perhaps that gives you an idea of the disposition or approach we’re thinking about.

[Here's the video: a day in the life of a $100K+ cozy entrepreneur. Check out what she has to say about “what you are optimizing for,” starting at 7:20.]

We’ve been trying to find helpful ways to talk about this and to describe the information. There are limits to how much advice or what kind of advice people will accept. That’s just human nature, and I think that advice tolerance increases with trust. Because of the advice tolerance ratio, we are challenged to figure out what is most important to tell and what needs told first. Clients and friends will give you more rope when you start advising, but if you’re trying to get a message out to strangers (On the internet, maybe?) you’ve got to get there efficiently.

The Super Quick Version

Here’s the super quick version of this: In the case of “how to recapture a life held hostage by hustle culture,” making space is the best way to begin. You won’t get anywhere until you do.

Once the space exists, even just a little space, there’s a vacuum and other things can enter and you can make choices about what you let inside that very important possibility space. I might encourage you to start with reflection, contemplation, consideration – or, if it’s what you need, just plain rest. Whatever you do, make sure you’re leaving space to let light in.

And once you do that, you’re starting a practice of rest, repletion, and recovery. It’s similar if you’re trying to start any new practice. One characteristic of a practice, according to (My achievement skills audio series, preorders start 9/26/24…) Ready for the Quest, is that it has a time and a space and they are sacred. As Steven Pressfield writes in The War of Art…

When the abbot strikes the chime, the monks place their palms together and sit. When we convene day upon day in the same space at the same time, a powerful energy builds up around us. This is the energy of our intention, our dedication, and our commitment.

Like Sheryl Crow sings... Every Day is an Over-Stuffed Sandwich

If, when you’re beginning, you don’t have a designated time for your practice, you’re going to need to make one. This is what I mean by “making space” for it. It’s an exceedingly simple concept, but it can be so difficult a step that it stops plenty of people from going any further.

If you’re like most people I know, every day tends to be well and truly over-stuffed, like a sandwich from a classic, New York deli. Your buddy takes one look at it and says “how the heck you gonna eat that thing?” You can barely get your hands around it, much less your mouth. And you want to add something else to that thing?!? There’s no room! It’s falling apart as it is. And as soon as you take a bite, half the fillings are going to fall out. It’s a big mess.

Frequently, that’s enough difficulty to stop us in our tracks. Bobby wants to run and he even sits down with his calendar to schedule three runs a week, but finding three empty hours in any week feels impossible. Not to mention the logistics – if he takes a run in the middle of the day, is he gonna somehow shower at work?

Taylor Needs Some Space

Taylor is a social media manager by day, artist by night. At least, they used to be. They have a studio set up in the basement, filled with paints and brushes and a notebook they filled with ideas eight months ago. Every day they wake up early, trying to get a jump on all the messages that sprout from the west coast as soon as the sun comes up. Every evening they think about painting and every night they fall asleep in front of an episode of Sex and the City. (No judgment – I loved that show.)

So Taylor needs to make space in two ways. First, they need to make enough space to think about how to re-start their practice. That means at least a few hours (maybe spread out over a few days) for asking questions and making plans. And as a part of that process, somewhere in those few hours, they will need to do the work of carving out a pocket of possibility space – time – which they can devote to their art on a regular basis. Let’s get literal here. They might be starting very, very small. That’s fine. That’s good. If that’s what you’ve got, take it and run with it. Taylor might think about it long and hard and conclude, “Sundays. I never have much to do on Sunday afternoons. I could make art for one hour every Sunday. That feels do-able.” And one hour on Sundays might not sound like much, but seeing how Taylor’s living, I would cheer. Way to go, Taylor!

One Hour is More Than Enough

Find that hour. And try to avoid the downhill slope of the negativity bias. You might look at that and think, “One hour? Not gonna get much done that way. What’s the point?” And I say – WRONG! An hour a week is a great start. That’s 52 hours more art-making per year than Taylor is doing now. One hour provides space to start and then to expand. One hour provides joy and the building of self-efficacy. One hour provides hope and possibility where previously there was nothing. For now, one hour is more than enough.

With that one hour in place, there’s space to figure out other things. There’s space to make that time more effective. There’s room to think about how to add more time. Bottom line - there’s room to improve, and there wasn’t before. Taylor’s world looks very different now that they’ve made space for one hour of commitment to their best self.

Whatever you want your practice to be, the most basic fact about it is that it doesn’t exist if you’re not making time for it. If you don’t know where to start, I strongly suggest you start there.